It is needed to understand that, in the grieving process, there are two times: linear time and an internal and very subjective time, and they are almost never the same. Linear time is all about hours, days, weeks, months and years; but the internal time is very different. It runs according to feelings and sensations each one has and that is why the grieving period is varies from person to person. There will be days in which the absence will seem to be painful and recent. There will be days, however, in which the healing feeling will set in, as if this absence sensation had vanished. There is no doubt that the linear time helps the bereaved one to be back to reality again and then face the mission of dealing with suffering. But as people are different, they also face pain and suffering in a different way and elaborate mourning in different times and in a personal way.
The first days…
The day a beloved one passes away is, fore sure, a day in which everything feels like a movie you will never forget. A feeling as if you were in an earthquake and you must be strong not to fall apart, but your legs and your body just can’t handle so much emotion and pain.
The practical part– viewing, funeral, telling friends and family – will probably push you a little away from emotions, but at some point you will have to deal with them. Confusion is very common in the very beginning.
Crying, depression, sleep disorders, changes in appetite and mood, are expected reactions. In this moment many things will not make sense for the bereaved ones. Even the simplest daily tasks may become too hard to be performed.
People who want to give support to someone who is going through the grieving process, can perform these daily tasks in order to give time for the bereaved one to feel better, and go back to the regular routine little by little. Going back home is always hard, because it represents going back to life without the one we lost. Coming back home can be postponed for some days but at some point this must happen and it will bring suffering. Daily routine shows us all the time what happened and, that’s why the first days are so hard.